how do you solve a problem like maria would?

Dearest Pippy B,

Thank you ever so much for your kind letter! It filled me with such wonder to think that I with my cropped hair and irritatingly bubbly personality could offer advice! Well, I’m so delighted I can barely write! But with a song in my heart I shall, and now, let’s start at the very beginning.

1. Sew clothes made from curtains my dear, not venetian blinds.
2. For matters of the heart I’m afraid you’ll have to away to seek advice from mother superior.
3. Yes, the term “I’m there with bells on” does endorse the use of doorbells and sleigh bells.
4. No, the line “Lusty and clear from the goatherd’s throat heard” has never been surpassed either in its excellent rhyming nor innocent double entendre.
5. Of course schnitzel with noodles  constitutes all your dietry requirements! What a question!
6. Use brown paper bags tied up with string as cocaine tends to keep much better in paper. And do try to avoid getting any on your nose and eyelashes.

I can hear Georg whistling for me, I wish you terribly good luck with everything,

Maria.